I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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