Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
