He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
