No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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