We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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