im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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