i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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