I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
