Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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