its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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