Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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