I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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