4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
