the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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