I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
