Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
