There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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