Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
