If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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