Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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