you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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