she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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