I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
