Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just want nice things and good sex
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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