i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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