Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
