actually, I'm a sock model
Plan B is the new Plan A
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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