Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
