I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
