I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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