Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
