u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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