I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
