I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Someone shattered a urinal.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
