Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
