So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
