You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
