I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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