Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i already hear my dad disowning me
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
