i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
