i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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