She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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