If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
