Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
