he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
