Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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