I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he thought i was a dude.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
