eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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