Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
