i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Boobs speak an international language.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
