Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
