it was like his penis was on wheels.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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