i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
