I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
