You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
