So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
