my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Randomize
